Dad-to-be but a Nepali - to be or not to be !

I am going to be a dad soon!
Soon enough, I will hold a new creature in my hands - a creature that will change the course of my life in more ways than I can fathom. To some degree, my life has already changed. My vocabulary is increasing everyday with words like crib, bouncer, stroller, bib, diaper and pacifier; I am familiar with the vast variety of toys ranging from crib-toys to the ones boasting microprocessors; I already know the characters in "Sesame Street", "Clifford, the big red dog" and dozen other animated or screen stories. My bedroom is already child friendly with all power plugs sealed, hanging decors removed, sharp corners padded and carpet steam cleaned and disinfected. I would have painted the room and built a proper nursery had it not been a rental home. Nevertheless, I already have a rocking chair in place for the mother-to-be and the kid to enjoy the moments of bliss together and I am sure I will have my share of the pleasure too. The list of preparation and anticipation goes on; but so does the anxiety. What am I forgetting? Am I prepared to be a dad? Do I know enough to take care of an infant? Heck, I don't even know how much water a baby that small drinks in a day! I am sure I can do the diaper work (ahem!), but how do I stop the ungrateful little brat from wailing when I'm wiping its bottom? How to distinguish between a hunger-cry and a hug-me cry? How do I know the baby is not feeling cold?

For people like us, in a foreign land, childbirth brings deluge of other issues. Even a simple thing like naming the kid demands quite a research. I want the name to be a meaningful, unique, having a "Nepali-pan" all the while being easy to pronounce by the non-Nepalese. I will need to find a priest to perform major rites as Nwaran and Paasni, which soon follow the birth. This is one of the rare times I am thankful that there are Indians everywhere in the world! There are parties to arrange; schedules to make for hospital and doctor appointments; changes to make in health insurance, life insurance, and investment plans. Then comes the uneasy issue of citizenship. Owing to the birthright, my child can enjoy so many things in the future that I only wish I could. Being a Nepali has been quite a ride for me - many job opportunities missed, visa hassles for every travel, extra struggle to maintain legal visa status, discriminatory pay, lack of freedom to change jobs for more promising opportunities and so on. Do I want my kid to be a Nepali and go through all this? But bigger question is - do I want to stay here for good to start with? If not, when do I go back? Are the same kinds of opportunities available in Nepal that my child can get here? If so, when is it best to bring the kid back to Nepal? I had heard and read about the possibilities of dual citizenship provision - I wonder if that is going to help me make my decision, if it comes to being at all.

Amidst all the worry and the anxiety, I am thankful too. I am thankful that I am here because of the excellent health care facilities available. Even though, health care is very expensive, the doctors will not go on strike or the patients and their relatives on a rampage. Unlike so many of her friends in Nepal, my wife will not be verbally abused by the nurses in the labor room but will be addressed lovingly and with respect. Even though, the government takes away a huge chunk of my income as taxes, I am thankful for the services I get for it. Tthe emergency response will be at my doorstep within minutes when I need it. When I drive my laboring wife to the hospital there will be no potholes on the road nor the burning tires, nor the chakka-jams. I shall rest assured that toys that my child is going to play with is non-toxic and child-safe and the baby foods nutritious. Unlike my niece, my kid will not have to wait long shivering hours of load shedding during freezing evenings to switch on the heater. Also, my child will get a quality education in a public school for free unlike thousand of kids back home. Indeed, I have plenty to be thankful for.

I am not unaware of many issues like family values, respect for resources and humility that all of us back home see lacking in the foreigners or even Nepali children brought up in the west. But, I have seen my share of kids lacking the same morals in Nepal too. Those virtues are not "pewa" of Nepal-born kids. Much rests on the hands of the parents and the environment the kids get exposed to. Talking of child rearing environment in Kathmandu - I have not forgotten infestation of drugs and khukuri in my school or the humiliations by the teachers or the over-crowded and suffocating school bus or the toilets in school so horrible that it stinks even now. After SLC, there were gang-fights among students almost everyday and in almost every college under varying pretexts. What worries me most is that I was among the most fortunate students from one of the better “boarding” schools and private colleges in Kathmandu. We all know how it is for the rest of the country. The last time I checked, nothing has changed. Thanks only to my parents and my circle of friends I made it through unscathed.

I know that child rearing depends on much more than the place of doing so. As for me, I have some months of diaper changing and sleep deprivation to look forward to and keep me from making any hasty decisions. There goes my “coming back to Nepal” thought - sorry dad!

Charity among us

One of the better things expatriates bring home with them is the appreciation of charity, if not the act of giving itself. Or to rephrase it in our context, getting involved in charitable endeavor is not one of our better traits. Being one of the poorest nations doesn't help much in this regard either. There is this onerous question - "How can one think of giving to charity when one is practically living off one?" True - we, as a nation, are on the receiving end when it comes to charity. But, that's exactly where I stop agreeing with this logic - the keyword being "as a nation".

If you are reading these lines, there is no question in my mind that you do not fit the mold of a typical Nepali. You obviously can read and write in English, have access to the Internet and further than that, found this post in the blog universe. That should put you in the top few of the Nepali populace, economically speaking. Come to think of it, you most probably had a city schooling in a private school where you had harder time writing in Nepali than in English; if you are about or beyond your college going age, you probably don't bother writing in Nepali anymore; if you are of the working age, you probably work in Kathmandu or abroad; or if you are a retired person you probably retired as a very senior government officer or a professor or a professional in some sector. I can make those claims with so much certainty because of one factor alone - your English skills. Add to that your access to the blog and the rest is left for your guesswork.

Regardless, I can make another claim very quickly. At least 90% of you have never given to charity. And no, I don't mean about the times when you handed out 10-15 bucks just to get rid of the bunch that came to your doorstep with a "chanda" pad. It is not to say that you never intend to or you do not want to. Reasons for your not giving are plenty and reasonable - lack of information, lack of credibility of the fund raisers, lack of proper/convenient means, no visible gains of giving, no apparent results of your contributions, skepticism over the proper utilization of your contribution are, but, few reasons that come to mind.

Winter is upon us now. And each day when you complain about your car a/c not warming up quick enough, your gloves not blocking enough wind-chill as you ride that bike, your heaters not warming farther corner of your living room or your tea getting cold quicker, think of one person. This could be anyone who you see everyday on your way to work, temple, gym or bazaar. This person is someone you see and fail or choose not to notice. This kid who works in the teashop; this little girl who is scurries along in bitter cold of Kathmandu mornings to buy milk for her "sahibs" still asleep in their cozy beds; a homeless boy in Pashupati area who gets the warmth for winter from the pyre's heat. Those are few examples that we Kathmandu-baasi are more familiar with. What about the tens of thousands of children that we never hear of - in villages. Can you withstand the same conditions for one day that these people do everyday? Can you live as a homeless for one day? Can you work cleaning glasses in a teashop for just 3 hours? Easier said than done, my friend. Try it out and I'd like to hear from you.

I still remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine while I was in college. In the span of this discussion, he said "....whereas, people in villages get to eat fresh vegetables, milk, ghee, yogurt and meat." The context of our conversation is not even relevant here. The point is that we city dwellers have become oblivious to the state of our country. Yes, you get closer to the source of food as you go to villages but who actually gets to reap the harvest is another question worth writing about altogether. My point, for now, simply is that we don't know anything about the state of our country. May be we do, but it has not hit us home yet. We know there is dire need, we know there is hunger, we know there is no school out there and yet we have not really felt the pain. At least, not like we would feel if those condition were our own !

I don't have to cite any references to say that most of our help should be directed towards the people we do not mostly talk about. Three centuries of Shah dynasty combined with one century of Rana oppression as a "change" has established an unproductive culture among us. Along with infrastructure, education and healthcare, moral attitude of the citizens has suffered a great deal. Three hundred years of continued rip-off didn't leave much time for looking back when the window of opportunity opened up during the 90s when our leaders showed us exactly how hungry we are. Believe it or not, I don't blame them. What do you expect when you place a plateful of delicacy in front of a hungry street kid? Do you expect the kid to go and look for a place to take a shower and then go find his street buddy to share his food with while it is warm? No way! Our leaders did what was natural. (Only, it never stopped was what made matters worse!!). We all are takers, opportunity provided. Bluntly put, we don't give. We take, and more often than not, snatch when we have the opportunity.

I have observed quite a remarkable phenomenon in the western world when it comes to charity. It is not only praiseworthy, but of late has become a fashionable trend. Angelina Jo Lee seems to have inspired sizeable few to follow her path of philanthropy. While the intention of the Hollywood superstars are beyond anybody's contemplation, here are few USA facts that are interesting. Approximately 1,20,000 children are adopted each year in the United States. Some adopt for love, others for religion and yet others for human cause. More than 83% of adults have been donating to some chairty every year since the last decade and a typical contribution amount is 3% of the individual income. Besides, numerous studies have shown that middle class families struggling to make ends meet are the biggest contributors of all the charity. In addition, those who receive charitable contributions are known to be many times more likely to return favors later in future. And, how can any one not feel the warmth of human compassion at the magnanimity of the likes of the Gates, Buffets and Rockefellers just to name the few mega-philanthropists.

How do we fare? It's hard to sallow - we suck!!! If we ask even the smartest and well informed among us to name a few charitable organizations in the country, they will probably come up with at most 2 or 3 names - most very obvious like Red Cross. I am very interested in a survey that asks people to list 5 things they would do if they won a lottery of one corer. By the way, has anyone noticed what are the responses in the game shows in TV channels where they give away prize money? I wonder how many in Nepal say "some part of the winnings for charity!"

You don't have to earn big, you don't have to give big and you don't have to have big objectives to give for charity. An amount of 10 bucks a month is not too much to ask for, is it?* It is 3% of 4000 bucks. Now, don't tell me you don't earn 4000 buck in a year !! (If you don't, don't waste your time reading blogs, you fool. Go and make money!) Being the minimalist that I am, I think it is enough to start the habit of giving. It is not the intent of giving that we lack but the habit and means. Is it not true that you have more than once felt the need, if not the urge, to give? Would you not give more or more regularly if it were easy, transactions honest, organizations transparent and dedicated? Would you not give if you could SEE with your own eyes that your money is being put to good use, to take children off the street or build school? Would you not give if you knew that if you don't, the kid of the same age as your kid will remain hungry today, and probably the days after too? Would you not give if you knew that without your giving, a little girl will never be able to read and will spend her days beating the rocks to gravels?

We can achieve tremendous results with very little individual efforts, if we do it collectively. It is a simple logic and power behind numbers. The inexplicable phenomenon of "If 1 horse can pull 100 kg, then 2 horses can pull 500Kg" also applies here. There is much more to human spirit than we give credit for. Once a giver, always a giver - I experienced it myself. An friend of mine tried to instill the habit of giving to charity in me. I used to hate him during his this obvious solicitation of advice without my asking for it. I did not give a penny when he asked - mostly because I didn't like him enforcing his idea on me, but also because of his choice of charities. He didn't gain anything from those - far from it; he gave even when he could least afford to.

Yet, for all his nagging and irritation, I thank him. He has made me a giver without his knowing it. (That reminds me - I must write him soon thanking about it - he will be pleasantly surprised!!) Nothing has satisfied me more than when I give – sometimes, as little as 25 bucks. I give when I can and when I want. I don't give merely because someone asks. I give if I feel the organization or individual deserves a helping hand. And I give where there are more visible results - sometimes loans without interest and sometimes just a helping hand. I give to expect nothing in return. I don't have any other pattern of giving than that I give whenever I see more personal attachment to the one receiving it. Giving to help Ram dai buy a cow, or to help Kaali go to school is more meaningful to me than giving to Red Cross. You may feel otherwise. It is all personal choice just like fashion and food choices. The bottom line is, I give. Do you?

Yes, the last statement was intentional. I intend to arouse that anger, irritation or ego in you with that question. I give to charity - do you? (A T-shirt campaign comes to mind!!) I hope one day, you will. When you do, I am sure you will do it again. Be it your shame of having too much, or the anger of not having more, or the ego of not being the one who didn't give, or the irritation of being constantly asked to give, or the compassion towards your fellow being or the love of an innocent child's desperation - the fact that you helped when it was needed outweighs all the reasons in the world. We go out in the world with a pauper’s begging bowl and yet fail to sound the SOS alarm among ourselves. Are we so hopeless that we are not even asked to help? I don't believe it.

I give when i know how, when and what to give.
I give when what I give, gets to the needy.
I give when I see my contribution is making a difference.
I give because it makes me feel that I am better than others.
I give because it changes someone's course of life.
I give because it is a matter of life and death for someone.
I give because I dare you to try it out and brag about it.

Any takers? No puns intended ! :-)

(Have you read Small is Beautiful by E.F. Schumacher? If you are 30+ and have not read it already, shame on you. And yes, you can restore all your shame by reading it!)

Note:
* @Rs 10/- a month = Rs 120/year. If you get one lakh persons to do that, it is Rs 1.2 corer/ year. One lakh is less than 4 out of every 1000 of us. How many kids could you feed and send school for that amount? Now, that is a question worth finding an answer for.

A kick-off !

Greetings !
What is this all about?
With thousands of blogs out there I am sure our conversation may end up being just a drop in the sea. But who is listening anyway ! To make matters worse, the topic of our conversation is neither going to be *mainstream* any time soon; nor it is particularly exciting. For most, it is boring, useless rambling or even (b)anal stuff to actually have a conversation about. Who said being concerned is easy?
My objective with this blog is to express my personal feelings, my reactions and spill my anguish all over the place on current news and events of Nepal. Many a times, when I read newspapers, watch reports on TV and hear on radio, I get furious on something that I just read, watched or heard. I get this feeling that I am going to spill my guts out. And other times, I get a sinking feeling. I am sure you know what I mean. You just want to slap that guy babbling out in the tube; oh, what you would give to get inside that radio to beat the devil out of the demagogue preaching patriotism.
I know I have my limits and tons of vice too. On my way to work I have more than one too many times honked at an elderly pedestrian crossing the road ahead; I have taken my share of advantage of my *connections* for things I could have done without; I have chosen not to see the street kid that I see everyday; I don't complain about the million things that should have worked correctly but doesn't; I haven't done my share of social work - well, not at all. In short, I say I am practical - wouldn't you? If not that, at the least I claim to be an ordinary Nepali - now that, you can not deny !
Does that mean I don't care about all those things? I don't want to do anything that is good for the less fortunate? or I don't give a rat's behind about civic duty or basic human dignity? A resounding NO.
No, it is not ironic. I believe that it is only the matter of information and opportunity for any one of us to shine through. Given a chance, any one of us could probably do some common good without compromising our own vantage. All of us at one time or the other have said "bichaara" after reading/hearing/watching a condition of a homeless kid. Don't get me started, my pharynx twitches and I try my best to hide my watery eyes from my spouse when watching documentaries or even movies. I know there are people like me out there - in fact, I can bet on it that most of you reading these lines are such passionate folks.
Let's exploit that passion and talk about it here - who knows some good may come out of it?
What do you say?