Dad-to-be but a Nepali - to be or not to be !

I am going to be a dad soon!
Soon enough, I will hold a new creature in my hands - a creature that will change the course of my life in more ways than I can fathom. To some degree, my life has already changed. My vocabulary is increasing everyday with words like crib, bouncer, stroller, bib, diaper and pacifier; I am familiar with the vast variety of toys ranging from crib-toys to the ones boasting microprocessors; I already know the characters in "Sesame Street", "Clifford, the big red dog" and dozen other animated or screen stories. My bedroom is already child friendly with all power plugs sealed, hanging decors removed, sharp corners padded and carpet steam cleaned and disinfected. I would have painted the room and built a proper nursery had it not been a rental home. Nevertheless, I already have a rocking chair in place for the mother-to-be and the kid to enjoy the moments of bliss together and I am sure I will have my share of the pleasure too. The list of preparation and anticipation goes on; but so does the anxiety. What am I forgetting? Am I prepared to be a dad? Do I know enough to take care of an infant? Heck, I don't even know how much water a baby that small drinks in a day! I am sure I can do the diaper work (ahem!), but how do I stop the ungrateful little brat from wailing when I'm wiping its bottom? How to distinguish between a hunger-cry and a hug-me cry? How do I know the baby is not feeling cold?

For people like us, in a foreign land, childbirth brings deluge of other issues. Even a simple thing like naming the kid demands quite a research. I want the name to be a meaningful, unique, having a "Nepali-pan" all the while being easy to pronounce by the non-Nepalese. I will need to find a priest to perform major rites as Nwaran and Paasni, which soon follow the birth. This is one of the rare times I am thankful that there are Indians everywhere in the world! There are parties to arrange; schedules to make for hospital and doctor appointments; changes to make in health insurance, life insurance, and investment plans. Then comes the uneasy issue of citizenship. Owing to the birthright, my child can enjoy so many things in the future that I only wish I could. Being a Nepali has been quite a ride for me - many job opportunities missed, visa hassles for every travel, extra struggle to maintain legal visa status, discriminatory pay, lack of freedom to change jobs for more promising opportunities and so on. Do I want my kid to be a Nepali and go through all this? But bigger question is - do I want to stay here for good to start with? If not, when do I go back? Are the same kinds of opportunities available in Nepal that my child can get here? If so, when is it best to bring the kid back to Nepal? I had heard and read about the possibilities of dual citizenship provision - I wonder if that is going to help me make my decision, if it comes to being at all.

Amidst all the worry and the anxiety, I am thankful too. I am thankful that I am here because of the excellent health care facilities available. Even though, health care is very expensive, the doctors will not go on strike or the patients and their relatives on a rampage. Unlike so many of her friends in Nepal, my wife will not be verbally abused by the nurses in the labor room but will be addressed lovingly and with respect. Even though, the government takes away a huge chunk of my income as taxes, I am thankful for the services I get for it. Tthe emergency response will be at my doorstep within minutes when I need it. When I drive my laboring wife to the hospital there will be no potholes on the road nor the burning tires, nor the chakka-jams. I shall rest assured that toys that my child is going to play with is non-toxic and child-safe and the baby foods nutritious. Unlike my niece, my kid will not have to wait long shivering hours of load shedding during freezing evenings to switch on the heater. Also, my child will get a quality education in a public school for free unlike thousand of kids back home. Indeed, I have plenty to be thankful for.

I am not unaware of many issues like family values, respect for resources and humility that all of us back home see lacking in the foreigners or even Nepali children brought up in the west. But, I have seen my share of kids lacking the same morals in Nepal too. Those virtues are not "pewa" of Nepal-born kids. Much rests on the hands of the parents and the environment the kids get exposed to. Talking of child rearing environment in Kathmandu - I have not forgotten infestation of drugs and khukuri in my school or the humiliations by the teachers or the over-crowded and suffocating school bus or the toilets in school so horrible that it stinks even now. After SLC, there were gang-fights among students almost everyday and in almost every college under varying pretexts. What worries me most is that I was among the most fortunate students from one of the better “boarding” schools and private colleges in Kathmandu. We all know how it is for the rest of the country. The last time I checked, nothing has changed. Thanks only to my parents and my circle of friends I made it through unscathed.

I know that child rearing depends on much more than the place of doing so. As for me, I have some months of diaper changing and sleep deprivation to look forward to and keep me from making any hasty decisions. There goes my “coming back to Nepal” thought - sorry dad!